My birthday is exactly a week from today.. I’ve not been especially happy about this. It is my 30th birthday and it’s not going to be anything like I thought it would be…
Andrew and I were planning to take a trip to the Grand Canyon for my birthday.. it was going to be my first time going to a national park, something I’ve been dreaming of for years. After losing him, I’d pretty much decided to forfeit my entire birthday and let it be swallowed up the grief. And then a few weeks ago a voice in me roared up…
That resilient, strong, nurturing voice inside that is always looking out for whats best for me. It’s always been me, but it’s also part him now too. And that voice says, “NO! This is 30 dammit! We are NOT forfeiting this birthday, I don’t care WHAT is going on in life!” And I know, that voice is right. Drew would not have settled for me giving up my plans because of him. He’d want me to continue to live my adventures – and my soul knows this is best, too.
So even if it means I have to carry this enormous ocean of grief on my back everywhere I go, I’m still going to go places. Instead of waking up sobbing in bed and rolling around in a blanket of depression, I will be welcoming my day of birth by watching the sun rise over the Grand Canyon. I may still be sobbing, but those tears are going to fall into a golden morning filled with natural wonder. Best of all, I will be going on this trip with Andrew’s mom. Just the two of us off on an adventure to celebrate my day and to celebrate him. I wish everyone I love could be on this trip, but I could not be happier that she is the one person I get to share this with.
We will also be spending some time in Sedona – a very artsy place – and hopefully get to check out Antelope Slot Canyon for some amazing photos. Thanks to a little encouragement from one of my best friends and to the family for helping make it happen.. I’m finding myself truly excited about my birthday.. which I didn’t even think was possible this year. I am most grateful.
I saw a quote earlier today that made me think of our trip…
“I so want to learn to open my heart wider and wider – to listen to it, follow it, and offer it to the world. If you’d care to join me on the journey, I would be honored to travel side by side, steadying each other as we stumble, rejoicing with each other as we progress, and reminding each other as we go that each moment is sacred.” – Terri St. Cloud
Here’s to a grand adventure!
Our 1000 Days 