I’m beaming today. Why do you ask? Because today is no ordinary day… it is not just February 11th, or 3 days before the suckitude of Valentine’s Day, it is so much more. It is the day that I have finally hung my very first pieces of photography up for sale in an art gallery. Ever.
This is big for many reasons. Big because I’ve been dreaming about it since I was a little girl. Big because its exciting to see MY work up on that wall. But most of all, its big because it represents a milestone not only of the dreams I’ve had for myself, but of the dreams for the future that he and I shared together… his dream for me. It took me back to the countless talks he and I had over lunch, dinner, coffee, or walks about this dream of mine and how in a few years – once he had a better paying flying job – we were going to really be able to make it a reality. He thought I was the most amazing photographer and artist, and wanted nothing more than to see me doing just what I’m doing now.
There is so much healing in knowing that I didn’t give up on the part of our future that I can still accomplish. Each milestone along this new career path, I find there is a rightness about it – a feeling that I’m aligning with exactly what I was put here to do. Each one becomes a reminder that makes it harder and harder to ignore the calling to create things. And each step fuels me even more.
Its taken me six long months to actually get these printed, matted, framed, and up in the gallery… due in part to self doubt, but also due to being lost in the ocean of grief. I could barely remember to brush my teeth, much less focus on getting each of these steps done. Those were six sad, long, painful, grueling, debilitating, terrifying months. Months of saying “what the hell am I doing?” and “How on earth am I going to make this happen?” and “Oh my god I’m getting nowhere”. And now, I’m looking up at these photos… and somehow, slowly as I did, I made that happen. In the midst of the worst year of my life, I still made that happen. It feels good.
In fact, it feels so good that from now on I’m going to call February 11th my Artiversary. Yup I like the sound of this. Happy Artiversary to me!